Tea Time

You guys, British people love tea. I don't just mean they enjoy a nice cuppa' every now and then. They REALLY love tea. Someone once told me that the British Empire was founded over a cup of tea and I laughed. Now I believe them.

In England, NOTHING gets done unless there is tea involved. I don't just mean during. I mean before, after AND during. And it's not just any tea, there is tea ettiquette. So here are some general rules I've learned:

1. If you are alone, make tea.
2. If you have people over, make tea.
3. If you feel sleepy, make tea.
4. If you're going out, make one last cup of tea.
5. If you're angry, make tea.
6. In general, just make tea.

This essential set of rules became immediately evident when we moved in. Jet lagged and bleary-eyed, we were being shown our new flat by our landlady. It's furnished, but a lot of the every day small things were left up to us. Except the kettle. Heaven forbid there would be no kettle. And, just in case the one we were given broke, there's an extra in the closet. Just in case. Additionally, our fridge was completely empty, of course, except for a perfectly tiny jug of 2% milk waiting to cool off a perfectly steamy cup of tea. It's like they subliminally try to make you drink tea. Some "Brits for tea" lobby. And the worst part was, IT WORKS. My first day in London and feeling like death, all I really wanted was a big cup of tea.

One week and approximately 3857324 cups of tea later, it was time for internet man to come and get us connected. That's when I learned that when someone comes in to your home, make them tea (see rule #2). Ok, fine. It's just pouring some hot water over a little sachet, right? NO. I learned that people are pretty particular when it comes to their perfect cup of tea. Water boiling or just off the boil (but most definitely not just 'hot')? 1-2 minutes or 3-5 minutes? Milk before water or water before milk? Splash, dash or glug of milk? Sugar? How much sugar? THERE ARE SO MANY THINGS! I DON'T KNOW ALL OF THE THINGS! Needless to say, I didn't offer internet man any tea. Mainly because the idea of offending someone with a bad cup of tea was far worse than not offering it in the first place.

At work, any lecture or event is ALWAYS followed by 'tea and cake and/or biscuits'. And people come for the tea (not even the biscuits!). People even come for the tea and NOT the lecture. This has happened with some regularity around the office lately, so much so that we have been getting emails with increasing frequency to the tune of "THE TEA IN THE ATRUIM IS NOT FOR YOU. Many thanks, cheers, all the best." (Because heaven forbid an email should actually sound angry). Also, the worst part about these little receptions is the false advertising. A lot of the emails will read "come to talk X today at 2:30pm. Tea and cake to follow." So you go to the talk, get psyched for the cake, AND THEN THERE IS NO CAKE. Someone should be fired. Isn't cake the most important part of, well, anything? No, tea. Tea is the most important part of everything.